Kovalchuk Only Wants what Average American Gets

Ilya Kovalchuk feels that his 17 year deal worth 102 million bucks has been widely misunderstood by the NHL and hockey fans in general. It was not a cynical attempt to play with the salary cap, as he NHL claimed in rejecting the deal. Kovalchuk's unusually extended contract was only an attempt to earn closer to what the average American earns on an annual basis. With that in mind he has proposed a re-structured deal in which he will earn the median income of 32,140 dollars a year for 3734 years. When reminded that the average lifespan of an American male is 75 years and a Russian male is 61 years, Kovalchuk responded that he didn't consider himself to be either Russian or American and therefore mortality statistics didn't apply to him. Besides, he's been eating well, working out, sleeping in a cryogenic chamber, and watching Jersey Shore, all of which will keep him forever young.



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